You know you've played Dungeon Keeper too much when...

• ...you ask your parents for a raise in allowance with the words: "My gold reserves are running low!"
  
• ...you slap the toilet seat open, looking for lightning traps, before you sit. And the smell afterwards makes you wonder whether you missed a gas trap or you just developed the "Fart of Death" ability.
  
• ...you drop your little brother in the doorway to your room, and expect to see him start cleaning it - one tile at a time.
  
• ...You tell your parents that your homework is done with the words: "there is nothing left to research!"
  
• ...everytime your mom serves you chicken - you wonder whether she's feeding you before sending you to the torture chamber to convert you to her cause (getting that haircut).
  
• ...everytime your teacher gives you more homework for the weekend - you catch yourself wondering: "maybe I'd understand him better if I possessed him and saw the world through his lens for a while."
  
• ...everytime you take your little sister to the gym for tennis lessons you slap her and drop a couple of coins on her head - to make her train harder and stay content. And when she starts crying instead - you wonder: "that's strange - it worked with the Bile Demon. Maybe I should drop her in the pond and see if the gods would get me a (dark) mistress instead!"
  
• ...you wish you had a boulder trap installed to keep your little brother from claiming your territory.
  
• ...when your big brother is out of town you start jumping in his bed (before reading his adult magazines) yelling: "I've claimed an enemy room!"
  
• ...you explain taking your little brother's money from his pocket - as being due to the fact that you have an innate "Dig and Claim" skill. And you secretly plan to give him a "squeal bomb" for telling on you.
  

From the twisted mind of:
Jakob Krarup
Jake@post5.tele.dk

• ... you throw your little sibling's stuffed animals into the toilet, flush it, and expect a Horned Reaper to appear.
  
• ... everytime something gets in your way you paint yellow stripes on it and wait for your little brother to come running over with a pick-axe and breaking it into little pieces.
  
• ... you drop your little brother in the library and expect him to enter the bookshelf and come out with a new spell.
  
• ... you stick your little sister in her room, drop some eggs on her head to make sure she doesn't starve, and go to the kitchen to prepare the "torture instruments".
  
• ... after winning a game of chess, you take your opponent's king, whack it with a hammer, and yell "I have conquered this realm! I have conquered this realm!"

From the twisted mind of:
Stas Kounitski
Green@best.com

Dungeon Keeperitis comes in 2 stages:

Stage 1-Acute

• You slap your PC in an effort to make it defragment your hard disk faster.

• When your PC refuses to work you shove few pound coins into the ventalation slots on the back of the monitor.

• You start digging up the foundations to your house in an attempt to find some money to buy a new PC or at least a ressucetate monitor spell.

• You attempt to sacrifice a can of corned beef in the bath so the dark gods will give you an MMX chip.

• You call your local PC repair man and find that he is a large man with a gas problem and you say as he enters "Ah, A bile demon has entered through my portal!"

• Broken nose: Treatment suggested: 1000 press-ups, re-alphetising the library shelves at Oxford university and a brisk jog around the great wall of China, it won't cure you but you'll be too tired to cause yourself any damage.

Stage 2 - Terminal

• You strap your little sister to a toilet and expect a wierd hooded creature to start whipping her.

• You place a trip wire across the door to your room, linked to a huge ball of rubber bands, that shall crush anyone trying to enter.

• Using a clever combination of a pressure pad, some basic electronics and that bottle of disgusting after shave your uncle Winston gave you for christmas, you rig up a gas trap next to your treasure room (or that porcelain pig in your room).

• You throw your little brother outside and slap him and wait as he extends the patio ocross the lawn
  
  Suggested treatment: You have no hope of recovering, the only way you will remain alive is by buying the countless addon packs that are going to come out.

From the mind of the genius
Alex "The best thing since sliced bread" Powell

How can it be possible? playing it too much?
[well if your thinking begins to turn sideways like this - then you'll know for sure!]

• Your wife returns home from work, sees you logged in again, (your creatures are getting angry) so you drop her by the bath in the hope that she'll run around it and cheer up.

• (Your creatures are hungry, increase your hatchery) looks like the fridge is bare, time too highlight the surrounding room tiles, and hope to avoid the supermarket shopping trip.

• (You don't have enough gold) looks like the supermarket trip was more expensive than you expected.

From the twisted mind of:
Casper
furrybury@mcmail.com

Fellow Keepers!

I have discovered a shocking new effect of Dungeon Keeper, it seems to be merging with other parts of the computer! Yesterday I turned on my computer and was greeted by a view point of a camera flying by my CPU, after the initial shock, I opened the CD drive and a bile demon flew out and ran into my hard drive and started attacking my pkunzip files! As I sat there stunned a strange hand leapt out of the screen and slapped me on the face(presumably for not working hard enough). I connected to the internet and a load of heros ran out and and started deleting my Microsoft Money files! So I accesed Dr Solomons Anti-virus Toolkit and put some word of power traps around my CPU and disconnected. I threw the bile demon into the recycle bin and suddenly a Dark Mistress appeared saying that she would be eternally loyal to me as long as I tortured her every now and then.(Not that I'm complaining but her screams have prompted phone calls from my neighbour). Most of my games have been affected as well:

Sim City 2000

My entire city had collapsed! My advisor said something about some short bloke digging up the foundations to all the buildings..... I was just about to leave when the Alopolis Gazette reported that the legions of hell were riding in from the west, I left as soon as possible.

Command and Conquer: Red Alert

I loaded up and found all the valuable minerals had Imps swarming all over them and all the infantry had their heads on spikes. Stalins under ground saring gas facility had been replaced by a huge workshop, and there was a strange dark force slowly advancing across europe.

Duke Nukem 3D

Curiously Duke Nukem actually affected Dungeon Keeper, Duke had broken out from own game and was kicking ass in my dungeon, all the way to the heart. Not wanting to affect either my dungeon nor Duke I tried to calm him down and keep him happy, I tried to feed him some chicken but he just responded "No way I'm eating this s**t". So I dropped him back into the red light district level, that kept him quiet for a few hours.

Theme Hospital

I had to extend the mourge heavily and the people with bloaty head had been treated by chopping their heads off.

Theme Park

The horror, the sheer unending horror!

I have also discovered that my PC is now affecting the real world, unless something is done about it, the world will soon be attacked by the forces of darkness and the human race shall become it's slaves! So I must venture into my PC and slay the enemy within, armed with only my makeshift areosol flame thrower, chainsaw and my intellegence (and my dark mistress for company). If I don't come back, tell the Keeper that you know me.

From the twisted mind of:
Alex "The best thing scince sliced bread" Powell

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